is the new generation doomed?

a deep dive in how the manosphere is radicalizing young children

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Women are born with pain built in. Do you remember this monologue from Fleabag? It was life-changing for me. I do believe that women are born with pain, but I also believe that society molds us to bear everyone else’s pains. The new Netflix miniseries, Adolescence, is proof of that.

According to the co-creator, Stephen Graham, the series is inspired by the knife crime epidemic in the U.K. and by the growing number of crimes involving teenage boys murdering teenage girls. Co-creator Jack Thorne said it was also inspired by the ‘’male rage’’ epidemic, with the manosphere and the online community centered on ‘’men’s rights’’. The timing of the release of the series is very interesting since it follows the sentence of the Southport killer, sentenced to a 52-year minimum for murdering three girls at a Taylor Swift dance workshop in July 2024; and after the U.K. prime minister warning the country about the new threat of ‘’young men in their bedrooms’’ who are accessing all kinds of materials online, most of them violent, for its own sake.

The Netflix show follows Jamie and his family, a 13-year-old boy accused of murdering a classmate. What’s interesting is that the show doesn’t follow the common whodunit, instead, it’s centered on Jamie’s motives. It’s concerning to see that this new generation spends all their time on their phones, and the parents have no clue what they are doing. It’s disturbing because I have even done it myself! I used to fool my parents all the time about my online activity and online friends, and they wouldn't find out because they weren’t versed in internet language. Of course, back in my day, these violent communities didn’t exist, so the internet was a safer place, but still, I always think about how much danger I was in – Pedophiles, weird people with bad intentions toward children… These people have always been on the internet.

If you think about how the ‘’manosphere’’ didn’t even exist in our generation and we already have horrible men who do unspeakable things, what can we expect from these boys who are growing up with red pill content? I hear a lot about the ‘’male loneliness epidemic’’ but I can’t help but wonder if they didn’t bring that to themselves. Nowadays, it’s hard not to hate men as a woman, even if you don’t want to. I wonder how these boys who worship the alleged rapist Andrew Tate, will ever have healthy relationships with women or even be able to find someone who wants to date them. Because if they can’t, it’s just another excuse to fuel their hatred, and this goes on and on. How can we rescue these boys? Is it even possible?

What is the manosphere?

The manosphere is made of websites, online communities, and digital creators who share the goal of promoting toxic masculinity and spreading misogyny. A lot of these communities overlap with the alt-right, including the belief that feminism is the root of all the evils of modern society.

The manosphere is made of 4 pillars: The Incels, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), Men’s rights movements (MRM), and Pick Up Artists (PUAs).

Pick Up Artists (PUAs)

Pick-up artists are men who get women to sleep with them by using strategies tried and tested by other men and even gurus who host workshops and courses on how to seduce women. These strategies are extremely misogynistic, usually focused on making a woman feel self-conscious or insecure.

Some of these communities are not as new as one might think, the PUAs, for example. The show The Big Bang Theory, which first aired in 2007, portrays Howard as a Pickup Artist from the beginning, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. His relationship with women was super problematic! He would often hire sex workers, hang out at stripper clubs, make sex robots, and objectify women, and even after he met the woman who would be his wife, he didn’t commit to her at first because he thought he deserved a woman who was as pretty as Megan Fox in Transformers. In the first few seasons, Howard always tried to pick up women with strategies the PUAs use, such as making a woman feel insecure so she would agree to go on a date with him, among other things. It’s frightening how this type of behavior is being normalized, even in pop culture!

Incel

An incel is a male who is an involuntary celibate, and because they believe they are entitled to a sexual partner, they develop a twisted belief that women hold too much power in the sexual/romantic sphere, and that’s why they’ll be alone forever. Instead of thinking about their own behaviors towards women and making a change, they blame the women and absorb in self-pity. Incelhood can be dangerous! the Anti-Defamation League cites incels as ‘’the most dangerous group of the manosphere’’ since they attack both men and women, harass women, and even commit self-harm and suicide.

Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW)

The MGTOW community seems harmless at first. They defend a lifestyle of avoiding serious commitment with women to protect their independence and focus on their goals. But the community turned into a place for men to express their misogynistic and anti-feminist views that are so common within the manosphere.

Men’s Rights Movement (MRM)

One of the articles I used to write this piece was written by a man, and he says that ‘’some of the claims of the MRM movement are valid’', but I have to ask myself: Are they? Really? We live in a society made to serve men, and the men only, so what more could they want? As you can see by now, most of the red pill movement is a direct result of feminism and how men feel about women gaining more power in our society, so is it valid? I don’t think so.

Members of the MRM advocate for men’s rights in areas where they believe men are being treated unfairly, but mostly, it comes from a place of anti-feminist sentiment and extreme misogyny.

But what is a red pill?

All the communities from the manosphere label themselves as red pills, which comes from the movie Matrix (2000) where the protagonist is given the option of two pills: The red, which will allow him to see the truth, no matter how uncomfortable that is; or the blue pill, which means he will remain ignorant but comfortable. Incels came up with the Black pill, which means accepting the futility of fighting against a feminist system, and is often used to encourage suicide or mass-murders, which has been called an act of misogynistic terrorism.

Being a red pill means accepting that nowadays, men and masculinity are under attack because of feminism. Red Pillers get together in communities like Reddit or social media apps to talk about toxic masculinity and share their misogynistic views on women and how they should be treated. Some of their views are so full of hatred and disrespect that I don’t think women would be treated like that even in the Dark Ages. It comes from a place of wanting to seek revenge after being turned down romantically or by losing a job or an opportunity to a woman. They want to degrade women, to disrespect and humiliate them in every possible way, and I can even link that with the rise of OnlyFans. What better way to degrade and humiliate a woman than to buy her body and own her in some way? On OnlyFans, because the client is paying, the woman is supposed to do everything they ask of her, and that is exactly what they miss in modern society. They are nostalgic about a world where men tell women what to do, and we simply bow our heads and do it. They want to be the ‘‘Boss Men’’, that stereotype of toxic masculinity that is portrayed in movies about the mafia. The problem is that this world doesn’t exist anymore.

Women are predominant in universities, way more than men, and that’s why they are taking their jobs. Because women know they’ll be judged harder because of their gender, they work harder, get more educated, and are less demanding, and we are seeing the results of all of this right now. Women are succeeding in their careers, sometimes more than men; they are becoming billionaires, and their standards are getting higher. Because of that, men love to escape to a world where they can rule, thus the appeal of OnlyFans and the rise of pornography, even among the young. It’s the only place where these men can talk to beautiful girls and tell them what to do, what to wear, and what to say. They get addicted and spend a fortune on it because of how powerful it makes them feel, and the OnlyFans creators are feeling the consequences of it. A lot of OnlyFans girls are coming to social media to discourage girls from joining it, and disclosing the mental toll it took on them. It’s a lot of money, but it comes with a price: your mental health. Would you be willing to pay?

How did Jamie turn into this monster?

The thing is, Jamie at first seems to be a normal kid. We even think he couldn’t have done it, I mean, this small, shy kid? Seriously? But yes, he could. The radicalization of our youth is happening right now to kids who look like Jamie, and it’s incredibly concerning. I can’t stop wondering if my 12-year-old brother is being exposed to that and, if so, what he thinks about it. I’ve noticed my sweet, loving brother turning into a different person in his teenage years, which is concerning because those are the years that will mold his personality. Will he be a good man? I hope so; I really do.

Adolescence makes it very clear how this radicalization happens. A kid struggling with his self-image, free access to the internet, busy parents, and an overworked school system equals problems. What’s funny to me is that this reaction to rejection is such a male thing to have; I don’t think a girl would ever go this far because a boy didn’t like her.

Priorities between women and men are completely different. I was bullied in school, and you know what’s even more pathetic? I was bullied by the nerds who were also being bullied by the cool kids! So yes, I was bullied by everyone and became a decent person. Being bullied or rejected is not the worst thing that ever happened to me, but it can be to a boy. While for women being raped and murdered is the worst thing we can think of, being humiliated, made fun of, or rejected, is the worst thing that a man can think of. They are terrified of rejection, and I believe that is because of their egos, yes, but also because of societal expectations of men that are completely twisted and unrealistic for modern times.

These red pill influencers are taking advantage of the lack of supervision to prey on the kids and give them new personalities so they can become new little soldiers in this war against women. If, twenty years ago, my parents weren’t prepared to supervise me on simpler platforms such as MSN, can you imagine how parents nowadays must feel with all these different platforms their children are on? Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, TikTok, just to name a few. How can we expect them to understand everything that is going on on every single platform? Schools are no better. They are so busy trying to control this new generation of kids, which is no easy task - especially with parents who don’t know the difference between positive parenting and permissive parenting.

Parents have the false belief that if their kids are in the house, then they are safe. This is no longer true. With social media, children are being exposed to anything and everything. If parents are too busy with their lives and careers, the internet algorithm will parent the children, which can be disastrous. I have to be honest; I had negligent parents who weren’t that interested in parenting me, so I was raised by the internet, and because there wasn’t an algorithm back then, I turned out okay. I even think it was better to be raised by the internet than if I were raised by my family, because I’m the only person who’s not from the far-right, and I’m sure it’s because of all the online friends I talked to, all the articled I read, and how empathetic I became. Unfortunately, I’m the exception, not the rule. And with the red pill and far-right content being pushed by the algorithm, parents need to be extra aware of what their child is consuming on the internet.

The danger of it all is that red pill content is so appealing to those who don’t know any better. Can you imagine? Being an 11-year-old and hearing that all your problems are not your fault, but instead that this very real ‘’enemy’’ is causing you all this pain. Wouldn’t you buy it? We, as humans, love to believe in easy fixes for our problems instead of focusing on the real issue, which is usually within ourselves. Need to lose weight? Take this pill instead of working on your relationship with food. Feeling lonely? Get into a relationship ASAP; it doesn’t matter if you want to or not. If we behave like that as adults, can we expect a child to do better?

In the show, Jamie’s parents and even the police have no idea this manosphere exists and that it was the reason for the murder until the second episode. And they only find out because the detective’s son, who is a teenager, tells him. It’s heartbreaking to see how Jamie’s parents blame themselves for creating a monster and not even knowing it and for not being able to notice the signs and stop him. It makes me wonder: how can we protect our youth? Some countries are talking about banning social media for children - Australia just approved a law prohibiting children under 16 from accessing social media, and the U.K. is discussing the possibility of banning it too.

I’m not sure if that’s the way to go. I agree that kids shouldn’t be on social media, but banning it will just make them want it more. Instead, parents should be more hands-on with their kids’ education, have constant conversations about what it means to be a man in today’s world, and educate their kids to think critically.

Fathers and their sons

Throughout the show, we follow Jamie and his father’s relationship and how much Jamie worships him. He barely mentions his mother or sister, but his dad is always being talked about. Jamie nominates his father to be in charge of his defense, talks about him extensively in therapy, and is upset when he calls his father, but his mother and sister talk instead. In a way, it’s how he shows how much he values masculinity over femininity, so yes, he believes men are superior to women.

During the famous third episode, when the therapist asks about his father, at first he doesn’t even want to talk about it, but ultimately says he is ‘’nice’’ to his mother. Jamie believes that being a nice guy is a behavior people should celebrate, not a normal thing. We notice this again when he says he wanted to rape Katie, but because he’s such a good guy, he didn’t.

In the last episode, we can observe the misogynistic micro-aggressions Jamie’s father does to his wife and daughter. Because he reveals a little about his past, we can see that a lot of his behavior is caused by his unresolved trauma, which I don’t think is to blame for his son becoming a murderer, but it’s one more stressor to add to the pile. He has anger problems, like Jamie told the therapist, and constantly makes it his wife’s job to regulate his emotions. She becomes more of an accessory than a woman, and the same can be said of his daughter. They are there to calm him down, to make his life easier, and he never returns the favor, instead, he shuts them down completely. With his rage episodes, I could feel the tension and even their fear as he would harass teenagers who spray-painted his van.

A lot of people are making this a story about bullying, which is concerning. It is not. Adolescence is a story of misogyny, radicalization, and of how bad things can get if kids watch the wrong type of content on social media.

Yes, Katie bullied Jamie, but I kind of love that. And she was being bullied, too. I love that she was being slut-shamed and didn’t stay quiet or ashamed. I love that she didn’t let them win. I love that when Jamie tried to get her at her lowest, she refused him. We don’t see enough of women like Katie in fiction… usually, the girl who gets abused or murdered is the perfect victim, the girl who could do no wrong, the person who everyone pities. Katie didn’t let people pity her, not even when her nudes came out. She refused to be a victim, and I love her for that.

Can we escape misogyny?

More than anything, Adolescence is a show about misogyny, and we can see this play out in different scenarios. At school, in the workplace, and at home, which is so real because misogyny is present everywhere we look.

The first contact a girl has with misogyny is at home. I struggled a lot with that myself, being the daughter of a butch athlete, I was constantly made fun of for doing classic ballet since he didn’t believe it was a legitime workout, and the jokes didn’t stop there. I remember him saying how disappointed he was that I wasn’t a boy as a '‘joke'‘, because at first, he had bought a toy for a boy. I didn’t think it was very funny.

In some cases, our homes are where men still rule. Since they can’t win at work, they do it at home, bossing over their daughter and wives, undermining them so they feel powerful and important. In some situations, it’s where their rage explodes in an unhealthy way, and of course, it does so on their family members who have nothing to do with their problems. It can be physically or emotionally abusive or even violently abusive. I never experienced that myself since I was raised by women, but I’m familiar with it. My best friend from middle school had a violent, abusive father, and it was heartbreaking watching her covered in bruises, day after day. I did my best to save her, but how? I couldn’t even save myself. To sum up, what men really love is control. They love to be in charge, they love to dictate what we can and can’t do, and they love to have control of our lives, our finances, and our bodies. If you want to know if you’re in a healthy relationship, ask yourself: Does he love you or the control he has over you?

Gender discrimination in the workplace comes in many shapes and forms. What annoys me the most is that, in some professions, women have to disguise their femininity in such a way that they’re taught to act like men. Especially women who are climbing the corporate ladder or those who are entrepreneurs and want to be taken seriously. What does that say about our society? Being a woman is wrong, it’s unprofessional. The only way to grow in life is by acting like a man.

Lately, I’ve seen a lot of people making fun of women who choose the path of content creation, and I think this comes from a place of misogyny as well. If you think about it, a lot of women gained a lot of power and wealth by creating content about girly things. They didn’t follow the path of acting like a man, and yet, they succeeded. As someone who’s a new content creator, I can tell you, it takes a lot of hard work and studying to succeed in it. And it’s not just marketing. Most people succeed in it because they start their own business, and that is no small accomplishment. That’s why it annoys me when people try to ridicule a career in content creation, and again, I cite The Big Bang Theory. In the final season, when Amy and Sheldon are nominated for a Nobel, Amy starts feeling a lot of pressure being a woman considered for such an award and being able to influence an entire generation of young women to follow the science path. But instead of giving an inspiring speech, she has a vision of a little girl saying ‘’I was going to be a scientist, but since you lost, I’m going to do makeup tutorials on YouTube’’.

I truly don’t understand the need to constantly put down other women in this show! Plus, to be a makeup creator, you need to have certain abilities that a scientist surely wouldn’t have. That is what I believe in; there are different types of smart in this world, and there is space for all of us to coexist and work. Some men (and women) talk as if femininity were a flaw, and it’s not; it’s a strength.

But that’s not the only problem women face in the workplace. 42% of women in the United States said they suffered discrimination on their job because of their gender. This goes from earning less than their male colleagues for the same job to being passed over for important assignments. 54% of women said they felt they had received unwanted sexual advances from a man that they felt were inappropriate, whether or not those advances were work-related; 30% said this had happened to them at work. What’s bizarre is that for women with more education, the discrimination can be even more apparent. 29% of women with a post-graduate degree said they have experienced insults at work because of their gender, just like women with more education are more likely to say they receive less support from senior leaders than men doing the same job. It’s exactly what I said: Women are winning. They are educated, they are in leading positions, and the men are not okay with that, including their bosses.

For a long time, school was my biggest nightmare because of how bullied I was. All because I’m neurodivergent with extreme social phobia, and for that reason, I never initiated conversations with anyone, which they took as a superiority complex and attacked me. But the girls were as mean as the boys, sometimes even meaner. My mental health suffered - a lot. I started self-harming, and guess what? I got the idea of self-harm from social media; Tumblr was the place for toxicity in my days. Nothing like the manosphere, but a lot of romanticizing mental illness, eating disorders, and self-harm.

We can see the influence of schools on teenagers’ mental health in Adolescence. Katie sent a nude to a boy she liked, and because of that, she was slut-shamed, and, afterwards, killed. It was all a consequence of the photo being leaked. In a world where depression is being normalized, we need to understand the impact of sexism on young women and their mental health.

Young Women’s Trust worked with Dr. Ruth Hackett from the University of College London in a study that showed that young women who experience sexism are five times more likely to suffer from depression. The 16 to 30 age group is more likely to experience sexism at school, on public transportation, in taxis, or outside of the home. Those from this age group who experienced sexism, including more serious offenses like attacks and threats, reported back with great psychological distress even four years later.

I must agree with the study, and sometimes, the consequences can last for a lifetime. It did for me. I was raped by a serial rapist, from the age of eight until the age of seventeen. And because I didn’t worked on my trauma, I kept putting myself on dangerous situations that got me raped again, and again, retraumatizing me. This violence happened to me so many times that I’ve lost count. It’s such a devastating trauma that I only felt ready to start talking about it and healing from it last year, which was exactly 20 years after it first happened. Can you imagine? No normal sex life for 20 years. All this pain inside you for 20 years. All this while the rapist is living life as normally as he can. Is devastating. Infuriating. Soul crushing. It can drive you insane! After everything I went through, I can say that I hate men. I really do. I hate them. Not because I believe they’re all bad, but because I believe they have an evil nature. There are good men out there, I believe that, but only because they educated themselves, they were raised by women, and they worked on themselves.

And this got me thinking: If I hate the men from my generation, who grew up with no influence from these red pill influencers, what will happen by the time my little sister starts dating? The possibility of her getting hurt is terrifying! This is not okay. This can’t keep happening. They can’t keep damaging us, discarding our bodies, and getting away with it, on to the next body. When will it be enough? When will they stop?

Adolescence is a portrait of a perfect storm; it’s a portrait of a sick society that can’t accept that gender roles are not as they used to be, and if we don’t want our society to crumble down, we need to act right now. I know that most of my readers are in their 20s, like me, and probably don’t have kids, but please, pay attention to your little cousins, siblings, and nephews. Don’t neglect them. Don’t assume they’re safe when they are in their bedrooms, they most likely are not. Don’t be dismissive. Don’t believe in their innocence. Act now while there is still time.

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Did you watch the miniseries? What are your thoughts about it? Please share in the comments! 💛 (And no, this emoji doesn’t have any meaning! hahaha)

Love,

aurora.